Post by MasterEvil on Jul 20, 2014 13:10:23 GMT
Here I am, strumming some random tunes on my guitar in the back garden of my home in Los Angeles. It was such a nice gift from a good friend of mine but it is way too big for me to live on my own. Could it classed as quite funny or sad to have not realised such a thing until Yashira Maran walked out of my life? Well I will admit that it was amusing to find out how little washing I do when, this morning, I discovered something that could be described best by saying it was Mount Everest made out of dirty dishes. Maybe I need to set my life back on straight…I guess it could be said that I’ve already started with resetting my career by slapping the face of that arrogant Logan Raines. I actually don’t know what came over me but it felt so damn satisfying to hit him…perhaps he’s like that Adam Banz kid; he was a face that is born to be slapped. Heh, I guess I should do a promo for my upcoming match against KJ Styles…not that I know who the fuck he is. So with a light sigh I placed my guitar down, pulled out a camcorder, took a few steps forward after standing up and placed it down in the garden before walking back to my original position. Once I was there I simply sat myself down before beginning to speak up, remembering that I accidentally pressed record while putting the recorder down.
TBS: Kevin…James…Styles…K…J…Styles…who the bloody hell are you? Oh wait a second, I now remember, you’re that groupie that always hang about with Kevin Hunter…right? Man, how could I simply forget about you? Oh wait a second, the answer is very simple…you’re a nobody who has done nout to be worth remembering. Hell if you suddenly disappeared I bet you that two months later nobody will remember your name. You’re that bland and, well, dull. Hell you’re so dull that I’m nodding myself off just talking about your worthless piece of ass. So do me a massive favour…this Monday, after I kick your ass without any effort, tell your buddy Hunter that I want a rematch against him since I’m honestly still embarrassed by the fact that I actually lose to a bum like him. Okay, okay, I’ll ignore your ‘bff’ for now and focus more on you, since you’re the clown I’ll be pinning on the first - broadcasted - WEW show of twenty-fourteen.
It was only when I asked my first question that realisation set in. I was a complete fool. I trained mega hard in the gym for this match yet I’ve forgotten to actually do any research on the kid in front of me. What do I know about him? Er…I think him and Kevin Hunter tried to challenge Divas of Harlem for the Tag Team Titles yet Adrian Quinn and whoever his partner was were chosen over them. Luckily, while I was struggling to think of anything relevant involving my upcoming opponent, I was maybe to speak out random word after random word to actually something out. Okay, I might be sounding like a complete dick with what I’m saying about KJ but…actually, who am I kidding? I probably am quite a dick, since I did practically push everyone who was in the WEW Championship line out of it when I returned at Legacy in the first place. So I guess there is nothing wrong with sounding like a dick more often, especially toward my opponents.
TBS: Let’s see what is there is say about you? When was the last time you were in a Championship picture of some kind? Oh yeah…none. You’ve never been a Champion, contender or even a possible challenger…you were never good enough for any of that. What a waste of money…what a serious waste of goddamn money…I get paid peanuts so losers like this chump can work in World Elite Wrestling. And here I thought that only the ‘Elite’ wrestle here but seeing that KJ is here…I guess that means any random guy from the street could be given money to be thrown into the ring. No offence kid but the difference in skill alone is devastatingly massive. Oh…should I try to put a comparison between us? Okay, if that is what you genuinely want Kevin. But before I begin, is it a coincidence that you have the same first name as Hunter? Or are you two secret brothers? Maybe you two are the founders of the King Kevin Klan? Heh, I guess I’ve add enough joy poking fun at your name…now to that comparison I mentioned.
How come I have the amazing ability to make sentences out of random words? Hell I swear I could make a promo out of the words ‘never.’ Anyway, if you discount the occasional blink, my eyes never once diverted their attention away from the camcorder that I’m using. I can actually remember the production crew telling me to get my own camera with how many I broke of theirs in the past…well, that was the mega, talking to the Queen of England, polite version of it. It was actually while glancing towards my guitar that I actually suggested to make a simple comparison between myself and KJ. So, after having a laugh at the expense of Style’s first name, I picked up my classic guitar and positioned it properly on my lap before beginning to strum it. After all, there is nothing wrong with giving my promo some music.
TBS: If we used a simple dollar to compare our skill in the ring than difference between mine and yours would be the price you’d get if you sold Mount Everest made out of gold. My mind made out of that could buy you car to drive, not some dinky reliant robin but instead a Bugatti Varon, while your mind made out that could only afford a ninety-nine pence flake. If we could to a dollar to compare my intelligence to your own then it would turn that mountain into a diamond. My mind made out of that could get rid of the debt that the US got themselves into while your mind made out of that could only get you an ice cream sundae. Now that was a very simple comparison between our skill and intelligence…that is all I’ve promised you and that is all you’re going to get off me laddie.
Even though my eyes and words maintained their focus completely upon the small camcorder, I didn’t miss a single intended note on my guitar. Maybe all the times I’ve been gone, throughout the past two odd years, has given me decent amount of time be a pretty good guitarist. Maybe I’ll try voice acting during my next hiatus, if there is one. I couldn’t help but grin quite smugly after calling KJ ‘laddie,’ subconscious deciding to continue playing my guitar as I kept trading air for words in my first promo since…well since my WEW Championship match.
TBS: But what I will give you instead is something so simple even a pea-brain moron like you could understand…this Monday I’m going to give you an ass kicking. Nothing fancy and nothing complicated, just a simple, yet effective, ass kicking. Why is that? The reason is simple actually. Hell my trainer would say that the answer is simpler than the question. You’re simply not in my league kid. Sure it only lasted fifteen days and it made me infamous for being the only Champ to be stripped of his or her Championship belt. But, at the end of the day, I have Universal Championship reign in my record book as well as being the guy who main evented last year’s Beach Brawl, which happen to have almost double the ratings that all the other pay-per-views - discounting Legacy - managed to achieve.
Sure I’ve never got a pinfall victory over the likes of Chance Rugani and Chris McKenzie yet it happens to be MY name that gets the most chants throughout every episode of Animosity that I’ve showed up on. That does say a hell of a lot considering I spent the early half of twenty-thirteen recovering from a blooming heart attack. I’m a bigger star than you KJ, hell I’ve only just found out that - discounting Chance Rugani - I’ve been part of Animosity longer than any other male so maybe that is why some people think that I am out of my depth. Maybe that is why people have asked me to consider the possibility of retiring or even just taking a step back to let the ‘young lions’ have a go at the Christian. Another reason is my catastrophic, and rather inconsistent, condition of health. I’ve been set on fire, I’ve had a heart attack and, hell, my back still feels funny from when McKenzie hit me with the chair on that Animosity episode before Beach Brawl. So maybe I should retire soon…
Halfway through my words I came to the realisation that my English is a hell of a lot thicker, as well as deeper, than I thought it was. While I played my guitar like an excited bard for the first two-thirds of my words, it was during the last third of what I’m saying that my rhythm went slower, in a clear attempt to induce doubt into my words. I lowered my head down to look at the ground, thus blocking my face from the camera, while stopping the tune I was making when the words ‘retire soon’ left my lips. After five slow, almost frozen, seconds I raised my head back up and a smirk was very clear to see upon my face.
TBS: Just kidding, I’ve got absolutely no reason to let the ‘young guns’ run loose…after all, I’m only twenty-four for crying out loud. I’ve lost so much through wrestling that I’ve quite literally got absolutely nothing outside of wrestling anymore. My girlfriend even dumped me for not retiring for crying out loud. So unfortunately for you, KJ Styles, I’m not going away…instead this proud lion is going to sink his fangs into you and make you limp away because I’m the motherfucking Broken Saint. Who cares about my deteriorating health, I’ve been broken all my life so I don’t care if I break some more bones. Hell I’ll even use my entire body as a weapon to keep you down for the three seconds I need to win our match this Monday on Animosity. This might be the first Animosity of twenty-fourteen and there are approximately forty-something odd more in a year but I plan to kick this year off with a bang at YOUR expense.
I am going to kick your ass like the little piece of trash that you are. I’ve already said that you aren’t in my league and sure you can be like that prick Logan Raines and say how I don’t matter anymore or how nobody actually misses me but what you need to realise is that if you poke a bear enough times…it’ll rip your head off without a moment of hesitation. And the pain you might go through as I beat you down like the scum you are might be comparable to such a…unique feeling. It might be painful, I ain’t going to lie about that, but why should I care? It’s only you KJ Styles, you’re a worthless scapegoat that General Managers can happily feed to their bigger stars because they know that the audience genuinely don’t give a shit about them. You heard me right, KJ, you’re fodder and until you finally take that finger out of your ass and do something about it, all you’re ever going to be is fodder. How do I know? Because I was such ‘fodder’ a while ago.
I sounded proud, glad and confident all at once as I began to speak up. Maybe I am naturally outspoken, maybe I aren’t, but either way I am slowly strumming at my guitar again. Perhaps I am a kind of person that can’t talk without having his hands do something. It might be a bit weird but hey, I’m technically a legend in my own right so I guess I can get away with such little quirks. Okay, I will admit that I am practically viewing Styles as a greenhorn nobody but, to be perfectly honest, if he isn’t one then there is absolutely no reason for him to act like he is only here for his pay check. Then again, back when I was a rookie, I swear the majority of people where there just for the juicy checks Alakai use to hand out.
TBS: I debuted in October of twenty-eleven and in December, after beating then star Jaxson Baxter, I was unceremoniously demoted to the pre-show Burnout. I tried to simply win my way up but show after show I was put further down the Burnout card while people who were beneath me, like that chick who is currently pretending to have a coma, were getting chances at the WEW Championship. It was THEN that I found out, KJ. It was then that I found out wrestling was basically about who has the biggest ego and who is more willing to do shit about it. So late January of twenty-twelve, I invaded Sophie and Chance’s celebration and demanded a WEW Championship match. Sure I didn’t get the shot until two years later but the point of the story was that I actually did something about it and I’ve never been in the pre-show ever since, sure such could be overlooked if you were practically shoved into the main event on day two, like McKenzie practically was.
But I did something, got recognised for it and here I am, the big star against the little kid who thinks he could. So what are you going to do this Monday kid? Are you going to actually going to stand up and be a somebody? Or are you going to lie down on your back and let me devour you like a nobody? I ain’t going to make the decision for you since all I’m going to do is use you…I’m going to use you to show the likes of Logan and possibly Chris that I still have it in me no matter HOW MANY people doubt me. Of mice and men Kevin, are you going to be the mice or are you finally going to grow a set and become a man?
The moment ‘man’ left my lips I reputedly stopped my strumming. No neat endings and no epic guitar solos, even though that would be cool yet pointless on a classic guitar. I just simply stopped. My smirk originally wiped itself off my face while I spoke about my previous experience yet a confident smile etched itself across my mug a few seconds after asking my latest question.
TBS: Man or mouse? Mouse or man? You can be one or the other, it’s your choice what you become after I kick your ass but no matter what you intend on doing I’m going to beat, in the middle of that ring, and walk off like any basic nine-to-five job. You may call yourself something like ‘the motherfucking greatest wrestler in the world’ or something else but behind all those word is the simplest of truths…you’re a twit who’s success have only been from being Kevin Hunter’s little lackey. If you are really the motherfucking greatest wrestler in the world then that should make me the greatest motherfucking wrestler in history because, like I previously stated, my in-ring skill is vastly superior to your pathetic own. So don’t be stupid and think you have a chance because to be perfectly honest - even with my history of bad health - I am ten times the wrestler you’ll EVER be.
I took the guitar off my lap and placed it down by my side, with the guitar head resting gently against the wall of my apartment, as I started off with two rhetorical questions. Well I intended on them being rhetorical at the very least. There was arrogance when I called myself the ‘greatest motherfucking wrestler in history’ but I don’t care, I doubt KJ cares about how arrogant he sounds whenever he makes his claims about how good he is. It was only after I declared that I am ‘ten times the wrestler’ he’ll be that I stood up from where I was sitting and approached the camcorder. It didn’t take long for me to reach the recording device as I effortlessly picked it up from the grass and held it up, in a way that makes the only thing the lens can see being my face, before speaking up a final time.
TBS: Want to prove me wrong? You don’t have what it takes. Why is that, Kevin James Styles? Because, before the end of twenty-fourteen, the world will belong to me.
A smile etched itself across my face moments after I made my declaration and allowed the camcorder to absorb this image for a couple of seconds before moving my free hand around the device and switched it off, ending this promo in the process. Afterwards I turned around and carried it back into my home, remembering to grab my instrument of choice on the way. Is it an ambitious claim? Only to those who are blind towards anything outside the WEW Championship scene since like I said last week, I don’t need the WEW Championship to be a star.
TBS: Kevin…James…Styles…K…J…Styles…who the bloody hell are you? Oh wait a second, I now remember, you’re that groupie that always hang about with Kevin Hunter…right? Man, how could I simply forget about you? Oh wait a second, the answer is very simple…you’re a nobody who has done nout to be worth remembering. Hell if you suddenly disappeared I bet you that two months later nobody will remember your name. You’re that bland and, well, dull. Hell you’re so dull that I’m nodding myself off just talking about your worthless piece of ass. So do me a massive favour…this Monday, after I kick your ass without any effort, tell your buddy Hunter that I want a rematch against him since I’m honestly still embarrassed by the fact that I actually lose to a bum like him. Okay, okay, I’ll ignore your ‘bff’ for now and focus more on you, since you’re the clown I’ll be pinning on the first - broadcasted - WEW show of twenty-fourteen.
It was only when I asked my first question that realisation set in. I was a complete fool. I trained mega hard in the gym for this match yet I’ve forgotten to actually do any research on the kid in front of me. What do I know about him? Er…I think him and Kevin Hunter tried to challenge Divas of Harlem for the Tag Team Titles yet Adrian Quinn and whoever his partner was were chosen over them. Luckily, while I was struggling to think of anything relevant involving my upcoming opponent, I was maybe to speak out random word after random word to actually something out. Okay, I might be sounding like a complete dick with what I’m saying about KJ but…actually, who am I kidding? I probably am quite a dick, since I did practically push everyone who was in the WEW Championship line out of it when I returned at Legacy in the first place. So I guess there is nothing wrong with sounding like a dick more often, especially toward my opponents.
TBS: Let’s see what is there is say about you? When was the last time you were in a Championship picture of some kind? Oh yeah…none. You’ve never been a Champion, contender or even a possible challenger…you were never good enough for any of that. What a waste of money…what a serious waste of goddamn money…I get paid peanuts so losers like this chump can work in World Elite Wrestling. And here I thought that only the ‘Elite’ wrestle here but seeing that KJ is here…I guess that means any random guy from the street could be given money to be thrown into the ring. No offence kid but the difference in skill alone is devastatingly massive. Oh…should I try to put a comparison between us? Okay, if that is what you genuinely want Kevin. But before I begin, is it a coincidence that you have the same first name as Hunter? Or are you two secret brothers? Maybe you two are the founders of the King Kevin Klan? Heh, I guess I’ve add enough joy poking fun at your name…now to that comparison I mentioned.
How come I have the amazing ability to make sentences out of random words? Hell I swear I could make a promo out of the words ‘never.’ Anyway, if you discount the occasional blink, my eyes never once diverted their attention away from the camcorder that I’m using. I can actually remember the production crew telling me to get my own camera with how many I broke of theirs in the past…well, that was the mega, talking to the Queen of England, polite version of it. It was actually while glancing towards my guitar that I actually suggested to make a simple comparison between myself and KJ. So, after having a laugh at the expense of Style’s first name, I picked up my classic guitar and positioned it properly on my lap before beginning to strum it. After all, there is nothing wrong with giving my promo some music.
TBS: If we used a simple dollar to compare our skill in the ring than difference between mine and yours would be the price you’d get if you sold Mount Everest made out of gold. My mind made out of that could buy you car to drive, not some dinky reliant robin but instead a Bugatti Varon, while your mind made out that could only afford a ninety-nine pence flake. If we could to a dollar to compare my intelligence to your own then it would turn that mountain into a diamond. My mind made out of that could get rid of the debt that the US got themselves into while your mind made out of that could only get you an ice cream sundae. Now that was a very simple comparison between our skill and intelligence…that is all I’ve promised you and that is all you’re going to get off me laddie.
Even though my eyes and words maintained their focus completely upon the small camcorder, I didn’t miss a single intended note on my guitar. Maybe all the times I’ve been gone, throughout the past two odd years, has given me decent amount of time be a pretty good guitarist. Maybe I’ll try voice acting during my next hiatus, if there is one. I couldn’t help but grin quite smugly after calling KJ ‘laddie,’ subconscious deciding to continue playing my guitar as I kept trading air for words in my first promo since…well since my WEW Championship match.
TBS: But what I will give you instead is something so simple even a pea-brain moron like you could understand…this Monday I’m going to give you an ass kicking. Nothing fancy and nothing complicated, just a simple, yet effective, ass kicking. Why is that? The reason is simple actually. Hell my trainer would say that the answer is simpler than the question. You’re simply not in my league kid. Sure it only lasted fifteen days and it made me infamous for being the only Champ to be stripped of his or her Championship belt. But, at the end of the day, I have Universal Championship reign in my record book as well as being the guy who main evented last year’s Beach Brawl, which happen to have almost double the ratings that all the other pay-per-views - discounting Legacy - managed to achieve.
Sure I’ve never got a pinfall victory over the likes of Chance Rugani and Chris McKenzie yet it happens to be MY name that gets the most chants throughout every episode of Animosity that I’ve showed up on. That does say a hell of a lot considering I spent the early half of twenty-thirteen recovering from a blooming heart attack. I’m a bigger star than you KJ, hell I’ve only just found out that - discounting Chance Rugani - I’ve been part of Animosity longer than any other male so maybe that is why some people think that I am out of my depth. Maybe that is why people have asked me to consider the possibility of retiring or even just taking a step back to let the ‘young lions’ have a go at the Christian. Another reason is my catastrophic, and rather inconsistent, condition of health. I’ve been set on fire, I’ve had a heart attack and, hell, my back still feels funny from when McKenzie hit me with the chair on that Animosity episode before Beach Brawl. So maybe I should retire soon…
Halfway through my words I came to the realisation that my English is a hell of a lot thicker, as well as deeper, than I thought it was. While I played my guitar like an excited bard for the first two-thirds of my words, it was during the last third of what I’m saying that my rhythm went slower, in a clear attempt to induce doubt into my words. I lowered my head down to look at the ground, thus blocking my face from the camera, while stopping the tune I was making when the words ‘retire soon’ left my lips. After five slow, almost frozen, seconds I raised my head back up and a smirk was very clear to see upon my face.
TBS: Just kidding, I’ve got absolutely no reason to let the ‘young guns’ run loose…after all, I’m only twenty-four for crying out loud. I’ve lost so much through wrestling that I’ve quite literally got absolutely nothing outside of wrestling anymore. My girlfriend even dumped me for not retiring for crying out loud. So unfortunately for you, KJ Styles, I’m not going away…instead this proud lion is going to sink his fangs into you and make you limp away because I’m the motherfucking Broken Saint. Who cares about my deteriorating health, I’ve been broken all my life so I don’t care if I break some more bones. Hell I’ll even use my entire body as a weapon to keep you down for the three seconds I need to win our match this Monday on Animosity. This might be the first Animosity of twenty-fourteen and there are approximately forty-something odd more in a year but I plan to kick this year off with a bang at YOUR expense.
I am going to kick your ass like the little piece of trash that you are. I’ve already said that you aren’t in my league and sure you can be like that prick Logan Raines and say how I don’t matter anymore or how nobody actually misses me but what you need to realise is that if you poke a bear enough times…it’ll rip your head off without a moment of hesitation. And the pain you might go through as I beat you down like the scum you are might be comparable to such a…unique feeling. It might be painful, I ain’t going to lie about that, but why should I care? It’s only you KJ Styles, you’re a worthless scapegoat that General Managers can happily feed to their bigger stars because they know that the audience genuinely don’t give a shit about them. You heard me right, KJ, you’re fodder and until you finally take that finger out of your ass and do something about it, all you’re ever going to be is fodder. How do I know? Because I was such ‘fodder’ a while ago.
I sounded proud, glad and confident all at once as I began to speak up. Maybe I am naturally outspoken, maybe I aren’t, but either way I am slowly strumming at my guitar again. Perhaps I am a kind of person that can’t talk without having his hands do something. It might be a bit weird but hey, I’m technically a legend in my own right so I guess I can get away with such little quirks. Okay, I will admit that I am practically viewing Styles as a greenhorn nobody but, to be perfectly honest, if he isn’t one then there is absolutely no reason for him to act like he is only here for his pay check. Then again, back when I was a rookie, I swear the majority of people where there just for the juicy checks Alakai use to hand out.
TBS: I debuted in October of twenty-eleven and in December, after beating then star Jaxson Baxter, I was unceremoniously demoted to the pre-show Burnout. I tried to simply win my way up but show after show I was put further down the Burnout card while people who were beneath me, like that chick who is currently pretending to have a coma, were getting chances at the WEW Championship. It was THEN that I found out, KJ. It was then that I found out wrestling was basically about who has the biggest ego and who is more willing to do shit about it. So late January of twenty-twelve, I invaded Sophie and Chance’s celebration and demanded a WEW Championship match. Sure I didn’t get the shot until two years later but the point of the story was that I actually did something about it and I’ve never been in the pre-show ever since, sure such could be overlooked if you were practically shoved into the main event on day two, like McKenzie practically was.
But I did something, got recognised for it and here I am, the big star against the little kid who thinks he could. So what are you going to do this Monday kid? Are you going to actually going to stand up and be a somebody? Or are you going to lie down on your back and let me devour you like a nobody? I ain’t going to make the decision for you since all I’m going to do is use you…I’m going to use you to show the likes of Logan and possibly Chris that I still have it in me no matter HOW MANY people doubt me. Of mice and men Kevin, are you going to be the mice or are you finally going to grow a set and become a man?
The moment ‘man’ left my lips I reputedly stopped my strumming. No neat endings and no epic guitar solos, even though that would be cool yet pointless on a classic guitar. I just simply stopped. My smirk originally wiped itself off my face while I spoke about my previous experience yet a confident smile etched itself across my mug a few seconds after asking my latest question.
TBS: Man or mouse? Mouse or man? You can be one or the other, it’s your choice what you become after I kick your ass but no matter what you intend on doing I’m going to beat, in the middle of that ring, and walk off like any basic nine-to-five job. You may call yourself something like ‘the motherfucking greatest wrestler in the world’ or something else but behind all those word is the simplest of truths…you’re a twit who’s success have only been from being Kevin Hunter’s little lackey. If you are really the motherfucking greatest wrestler in the world then that should make me the greatest motherfucking wrestler in history because, like I previously stated, my in-ring skill is vastly superior to your pathetic own. So don’t be stupid and think you have a chance because to be perfectly honest - even with my history of bad health - I am ten times the wrestler you’ll EVER be.
I took the guitar off my lap and placed it down by my side, with the guitar head resting gently against the wall of my apartment, as I started off with two rhetorical questions. Well I intended on them being rhetorical at the very least. There was arrogance when I called myself the ‘greatest motherfucking wrestler in history’ but I don’t care, I doubt KJ cares about how arrogant he sounds whenever he makes his claims about how good he is. It was only after I declared that I am ‘ten times the wrestler’ he’ll be that I stood up from where I was sitting and approached the camcorder. It didn’t take long for me to reach the recording device as I effortlessly picked it up from the grass and held it up, in a way that makes the only thing the lens can see being my face, before speaking up a final time.
TBS: Want to prove me wrong? You don’t have what it takes. Why is that, Kevin James Styles? Because, before the end of twenty-fourteen, the world will belong to me.
A smile etched itself across my face moments after I made my declaration and allowed the camcorder to absorb this image for a couple of seconds before moving my free hand around the device and switched it off, ending this promo in the process. Afterwards I turned around and carried it back into my home, remembering to grab my instrument of choice on the way. Is it an ambitious claim? Only to those who are blind towards anything outside the WEW Championship scene since like I said last week, I don’t need the WEW Championship to be a star.