Post by MasterEvil on May 5, 2013 10:35:26 GMT
Well I decided to try something new and have a go at one of these transcript things. I mean if somebody as talentless at making a promo as Guv’Nor can become the North American Champion by scribbling a bunch of shit into a boring as hell biography then why can’t I? I mean, I just have to imagine that this pen is a microphone and this flat piece of paper is my audience…actually, this might be a lot harder than I thought. And before anybody reading this ask, no! I am not purposely trying to parody Guv’Nor way of trash talking, I’m simply trying to imitate and eclipse it…at least for this time since I don’t think I’ll ever try this writing stuff again, serious, my hand feels sore from how tightly I’m gripping onto this pen.
Oh crap I shouldn’t have admitted that since my upcoming opponent, Michael Jennings, is a submission specialist and my arm hasn’t completely healed from that victory I recorded over Yanzel Holmes last week. Oh wait a second, what does Michael Jennings and Yanzel Holmes have in common? Well, except for the fact that they both look like dogs, they are both submission artists…people who consider it an art form to bend, stretch and turn bones and limps in any direction they wish until the other person taps out. Weirdly that sounds extremely fun, maybe I should consider becoming more of a submission artist in the future…nah, I’ll take that back.
I think it is extremely clear, from my promo against Amy Zing and my opening segment two weeks ago, that I relish on the pain and suffering of others…physically, mentally and even a little emotionally. Hell, I considered calling Michael and Cameron at last week’s Meltdown and tell them, in supreme detail, of the pain their daddy will be going through…but back on the topic at hand. I know that submission artists can be quite creative in their methods of hurting people, like how aerial artists are creative in the way they just the air as a valuable ally, but frankly…unless you’re a properly trained amateur and as quick as lightening…submission warfare is boring and useless in a beat the clock kind of match. I mean, why would I spend ten minutes weakening someone’s arm when I could just trap it on the steel steps and stomp on it so many times?
But then again ‘boring’ would probably be the best word to describe Michael, wouldn’t it? Yes he has won a fatal four way last week as well as defeating Evan McDonald the week before…but if you readers thought those matches were impressive then I can’t help but consider you lot a bunch of five years, who actively butchers the word ‘epic’ whenever they see something more exciting than some cat on a skateboard. Niobe Martin, Ellis Graham and some other guy…they were your opponents last week, weren’t they Michael? Heh, none of them can lace a pair of boots compared to what I’ve done in my rookie career. You heard, or it is read, me right…this main event talent you’re unfortunate enough to be put against is only a rookie within her fourth month since joining APW. As for your victory over Evan McDonald, yes he did look good in his pay-per-view matches…but other than that he is nothing more than a wannabe ladies man who’s confident definitely compensates for something since, from hat I’ve heard, there is a ‘special’ reason why no woman would be caught dead with him twice.
Yes my win-loss record is quite mixed for a main eventer but that doesn’t change the fact that I am the REAL face of Sienna’s Meltdown while you’re going to be nothing more than a five minute workout session for me in front of those idiotic Argentineans. Last time I was in this ghetto of a country was two weeks ago when I got my ass handed to me by a guy who is a lot bigger than me, in both size and weight, yet now we’re going to be competing in a match with the possibility of replacing that unimportant jackass in tomorrow night’s main event. Obviously Guv’Nor would be laughing at the possibility of facing me, who competed earlier in the night, than facing a fresher Yarmouth. Why did I say ‘me’ instead of ‘one of us,’ you ask Michael? The answer is simpler than the question because I am going to fly into Buenos Aires, stroll into Estadio Mary Terán de Weiss and beat your ass faster than Usian Bolt can set a new world record.
I know that you are over a hundred pounds heavier than me, I know that you are almost exactly a clear foot taller than me and I know that defeating Yanzel last week was the very first time I specifically scored a victory over a male athlete. But none of that matters dear submission artist for I am the main event player, who every piece of trash in these arenas pay to truly see, while you’re nothing more than a hypocrite that nobody gives a damn about.
What is a hypocrite? A hypocrite is somebody who condemn others for the actions, or even beliefs, that he or she agrees with. Yes, while I was a little bored last night, I read a little bit of your biography and what I found was a bit interesting. Your definition of ‘scum’ are people who only care about fame, fortune and power…well then, Mister Jennings, why did you become a professional wrestler in the first place? Do you enjoy the pain and suffering you make others endure? If that is the case, then why didn’t you become a bare-knuckle fighter, since they don’t often become famous or wealthy, instead of a wrestler? I know what the real reason is and it has nothing to do with your father Trevor, so listen up Ebirah. The reason you became a wrestler is because you truly wanted to be famous, you truly wanted to be rich and you truly wanted to be powerful. Hell the only reason why you hate these ‘scum’ so much is because they have more of these qualities than you do…and that is why you, Michael Jennings, are a hypocrite.
Do you hate me for enjoying the power that Sienna has been using to support me since day one? Well cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it. I don’t hate you at all Michael and, if anything, I somewhat agree with your view that ‘society is nothing but a blank, vast nothingness filled with puppets diseased by the lies their government tells them.’ But the winner of this match will go on to face that wanker of a Champion Guv’Nor for the North American Championship, be it later in the night or the very next week, and I’ll be damn if some Muppet that use to dress up as a lobster becomes the one who stops me from getting my rightful one-on-one Championship match. Hell I’m than willing to kill your Meltdown career, like I did kill Amy’s Meltdown career, for that shot.
Oh, don’t feel too down in the dumps when I personally show you the door tomorrow night. You might end up being just as lucky as Amy was and if you don’t know what I mean then here is a brief yet simple explanation. Three weeks ago I kicked her ass and in four days time she might end up earning herself a shot at Overdrive’s top Championship. But then you could just end up getting released right after the show, develop an eating disorder and end up on your fat backside, watching me with the North American Championship around my waist while thinking ‘man, I wish I was as good as her.’
And don’t try to deny those nine words since everybody, these days, wants to be like this English muffin. Now I can claim that it is because I’m beautiful or it’s because of how I don’t need to repeat ‘bruvah’ or ‘fella’ like a broken freaking record. But you know what? I think I know why people want to be like me, for it is the same exact reason why I will beat you tomorrow night Michael…I am the personification of every man’s fantasy. I am the embodiment of everything a woman wish she could be. I am Robina Hood and I’ve been known as the Perfect Megastar from the moment I walked through those black curtains for the very first time.
I don’t know a hell of a lot about you…neither do I care for I know that I am just a Pathfinder looking for Perfection and the next step towards Perfection is reminiscence. You hate nearly everything around you Michael, just like I do…but for me to get another step closer to achieving Perfection, a condition without any faults, I need to look back on who I was and abolish it. You struck your own father, you despise society and you reject everything around you…you are everything that I was when I first left the UK and now, for the step of reminiscence to succeed I need to terminate you to get rid of everything that I was.
I guess now should be a good time to put an end to this little transcript and no…I won’t say something cheesy like ‘be prepared for a fury MADE IN HACKNEY,’ ‘bruvah’ or even ‘fella’ for I don’t enjoy butchering my own language…instead I’m just going to say this. Good luck tomorrow Michael Jennings, you’ll need it.
Written by
Robina Hood
Oh crap I shouldn’t have admitted that since my upcoming opponent, Michael Jennings, is a submission specialist and my arm hasn’t completely healed from that victory I recorded over Yanzel Holmes last week. Oh wait a second, what does Michael Jennings and Yanzel Holmes have in common? Well, except for the fact that they both look like dogs, they are both submission artists…people who consider it an art form to bend, stretch and turn bones and limps in any direction they wish until the other person taps out. Weirdly that sounds extremely fun, maybe I should consider becoming more of a submission artist in the future…nah, I’ll take that back.
I think it is extremely clear, from my promo against Amy Zing and my opening segment two weeks ago, that I relish on the pain and suffering of others…physically, mentally and even a little emotionally. Hell, I considered calling Michael and Cameron at last week’s Meltdown and tell them, in supreme detail, of the pain their daddy will be going through…but back on the topic at hand. I know that submission artists can be quite creative in their methods of hurting people, like how aerial artists are creative in the way they just the air as a valuable ally, but frankly…unless you’re a properly trained amateur and as quick as lightening…submission warfare is boring and useless in a beat the clock kind of match. I mean, why would I spend ten minutes weakening someone’s arm when I could just trap it on the steel steps and stomp on it so many times?
But then again ‘boring’ would probably be the best word to describe Michael, wouldn’t it? Yes he has won a fatal four way last week as well as defeating Evan McDonald the week before…but if you readers thought those matches were impressive then I can’t help but consider you lot a bunch of five years, who actively butchers the word ‘epic’ whenever they see something more exciting than some cat on a skateboard. Niobe Martin, Ellis Graham and some other guy…they were your opponents last week, weren’t they Michael? Heh, none of them can lace a pair of boots compared to what I’ve done in my rookie career. You heard, or it is read, me right…this main event talent you’re unfortunate enough to be put against is only a rookie within her fourth month since joining APW. As for your victory over Evan McDonald, yes he did look good in his pay-per-view matches…but other than that he is nothing more than a wannabe ladies man who’s confident definitely compensates for something since, from hat I’ve heard, there is a ‘special’ reason why no woman would be caught dead with him twice.
Yes my win-loss record is quite mixed for a main eventer but that doesn’t change the fact that I am the REAL face of Sienna’s Meltdown while you’re going to be nothing more than a five minute workout session for me in front of those idiotic Argentineans. Last time I was in this ghetto of a country was two weeks ago when I got my ass handed to me by a guy who is a lot bigger than me, in both size and weight, yet now we’re going to be competing in a match with the possibility of replacing that unimportant jackass in tomorrow night’s main event. Obviously Guv’Nor would be laughing at the possibility of facing me, who competed earlier in the night, than facing a fresher Yarmouth. Why did I say ‘me’ instead of ‘one of us,’ you ask Michael? The answer is simpler than the question because I am going to fly into Buenos Aires, stroll into Estadio Mary Terán de Weiss and beat your ass faster than Usian Bolt can set a new world record.
I know that you are over a hundred pounds heavier than me, I know that you are almost exactly a clear foot taller than me and I know that defeating Yanzel last week was the very first time I specifically scored a victory over a male athlete. But none of that matters dear submission artist for I am the main event player, who every piece of trash in these arenas pay to truly see, while you’re nothing more than a hypocrite that nobody gives a damn about.
What is a hypocrite? A hypocrite is somebody who condemn others for the actions, or even beliefs, that he or she agrees with. Yes, while I was a little bored last night, I read a little bit of your biography and what I found was a bit interesting. Your definition of ‘scum’ are people who only care about fame, fortune and power…well then, Mister Jennings, why did you become a professional wrestler in the first place? Do you enjoy the pain and suffering you make others endure? If that is the case, then why didn’t you become a bare-knuckle fighter, since they don’t often become famous or wealthy, instead of a wrestler? I know what the real reason is and it has nothing to do with your father Trevor, so listen up Ebirah. The reason you became a wrestler is because you truly wanted to be famous, you truly wanted to be rich and you truly wanted to be powerful. Hell the only reason why you hate these ‘scum’ so much is because they have more of these qualities than you do…and that is why you, Michael Jennings, are a hypocrite.
Do you hate me for enjoying the power that Sienna has been using to support me since day one? Well cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it. I don’t hate you at all Michael and, if anything, I somewhat agree with your view that ‘society is nothing but a blank, vast nothingness filled with puppets diseased by the lies their government tells them.’ But the winner of this match will go on to face that wanker of a Champion Guv’Nor for the North American Championship, be it later in the night or the very next week, and I’ll be damn if some Muppet that use to dress up as a lobster becomes the one who stops me from getting my rightful one-on-one Championship match. Hell I’m than willing to kill your Meltdown career, like I did kill Amy’s Meltdown career, for that shot.
Oh, don’t feel too down in the dumps when I personally show you the door tomorrow night. You might end up being just as lucky as Amy was and if you don’t know what I mean then here is a brief yet simple explanation. Three weeks ago I kicked her ass and in four days time she might end up earning herself a shot at Overdrive’s top Championship. But then you could just end up getting released right after the show, develop an eating disorder and end up on your fat backside, watching me with the North American Championship around my waist while thinking ‘man, I wish I was as good as her.’
And don’t try to deny those nine words since everybody, these days, wants to be like this English muffin. Now I can claim that it is because I’m beautiful or it’s because of how I don’t need to repeat ‘bruvah’ or ‘fella’ like a broken freaking record. But you know what? I think I know why people want to be like me, for it is the same exact reason why I will beat you tomorrow night Michael…I am the personification of every man’s fantasy. I am the embodiment of everything a woman wish she could be. I am Robina Hood and I’ve been known as the Perfect Megastar from the moment I walked through those black curtains for the very first time.
I don’t know a hell of a lot about you…neither do I care for I know that I am just a Pathfinder looking for Perfection and the next step towards Perfection is reminiscence. You hate nearly everything around you Michael, just like I do…but for me to get another step closer to achieving Perfection, a condition without any faults, I need to look back on who I was and abolish it. You struck your own father, you despise society and you reject everything around you…you are everything that I was when I first left the UK and now, for the step of reminiscence to succeed I need to terminate you to get rid of everything that I was.
I guess now should be a good time to put an end to this little transcript and no…I won’t say something cheesy like ‘be prepared for a fury MADE IN HACKNEY,’ ‘bruvah’ or even ‘fella’ for I don’t enjoy butchering my own language…instead I’m just going to say this. Good luck tomorrow Michael Jennings, you’ll need it.
Written by
Robina Hood